Alone?
by Dominica 21
Summary: This is a story of how Landon deals with Jamie's death and his life afterwards. A dark tale about Landon, and his doubts about God, live, love, and most of all faith. Deals with situations such as suicide... you have been warned! Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Alone?  
  
This is a story of love that has been lost by death. Landon Carter is left alone after is wife Jamie died of leukemia. Now he has no idea what to do with his life.  
  
~I do not own any of the characters in this story.  
  
I awoke one mourning and felt alone. I'd never felt this way before. No one was lying next to me, no one was in the kitchen making breakfast, and no one was in the shower. I could here myself breathe and I scared myself. I dressed and ran out of the house and headed for the beach.  
  
I ignored my neighbors who were usually nice to me and sped towards the water. I stood there, just thinking, and as my thoughts deepened, I realized I was still alone. Right there I broke out in tears. I fell into the water and cried. People stared and were confused but I didn't care. I was alone. Where was Jamie?  
  
She'd been gone for sometime now. But until now I'd always pretended that she was just out at the store shopping or visiting her father. Today it hit me that she wouldn't be coming home.  
  
While lying in the salty water, I felt the waves brush upon me. I thought they were comforting me but right now all I needed was for Jamie to comfort me.  
  
People were now worried so I decided to leave before they called 911. Walking home I was drenched and soon enough, it started to rain. I felt like the heavens were falling down on top of me, and I wish Jamie would fall down from heaven with it and come home and read me a message from the Bible. But that was never going to happen. Never again.  
  
"I'll never forget you Jamie Sullivan," I screamed up into the sky.  
  
"I love you with all my heart! Please just come home! I miss you, I need you. I can't survive without you. Why did you leave?"  
  
Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan Carter passed on into God's hands on September 27. She died of leukemia and passed in the mourning in her bed. Her last words to me were, "Landon, I'll always love you, I'll be with you every hour of every day. I'll never leave you. Have faith Landon. I love you."  
  
I'll never forget Jamie's last words to me. Since them my faith has been steadfast. Jamie is my angel and I'll never forget her.  
  
Landon Carter is my name. I am married to Jamie. Since meeting Jamie, I have changed. She has changed me in such a way I should thank her. She made my life feel right. After meeting her I made smarter decisions. I really don't know how to explain it. After I met her everything just felt right.  
So here I am standing in the middle of the street screaming up to God asking him to return my wife to me. But I know my wish will never come true.  
  
So how did you like it?? Please give me honest opinions! Reviews are good, post some. 


	2. Chapter 2

Alone?  
  
This is a story of love that has been lost by death. Landon Carter is left alone after his wife Jamie died of leukemia. Now he has no idea what to do with his life.  
  
Author's note: Just so you know this story has LOTS of angst and if you don't think you can handle the subject of suicide... please don't read this! I hope you like it and please review!  
  
- I do not own any of the characters in this story.  
  
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On the walk home I felt loneliness like I had never felt before. The rain pounded down on me and I didn't try to shield myself. I let the rainwater drip down my face like a cold sweat. I didn't know what to do. I mean, what left was there to do?  
  
My wife has just died. The other half of my soul is gone, and people expect me to move on? To just get over her and live my life to the fullest? These people obviously haven't had love like I had with Jamie. Most people haven't. What I had with Jamie was special and it's not fair to have it taken away.  
  
But what is fair? Life's not fair, school isn't fair, and love isn't fair! What else is there in this world? There is no happiness left and although my family is here, Hegbert has been the only one who has helped me in the slightest. Hegbert has gone through the same thing I have.  
  
How has Hegbert survived all of this? First his wife, and then his only daughter? Why doesn't he have doubts like this? Doubting about if life is really worth anything or if you should even go on?  
  
The rain fell down harder and I soon heard the lighting and thunder. I felt people's eyes upon me as I walked down the sidewalks, with a pale face and a broken heart. Everyone knew who I was, and that still made me feel lonely.  
  
These people didn't know the real me. They knew the kid who was once a bad boy and was tamed by the minister's daughter. That I fell in love and married at too young of an age, and that my bride died. They don't know Jamie or me.  
  
I pick up my pace and just go wherever my feet take me. I don't care where I go unless it's away from these people. No, these spectators. They watch me as if it's a sport. I despise them.  
  
My temper grows and I couldn't resist but just to let it all out. I look up and see a row of potted plants and I throw them so I can hear a loud break. The breaking of my heart. I keep this up until I hear someone yelling and I move onto my next stop. I kick telephone poles, stop signs, benches, anything to help let this all out. Finally, I collapse after being exhausted from my outburst and exhausted from life.  
  
Life was tiring now. My heart ached, as did my muscles now. I sat, my back against a tree and I started crying. Ever since Jamie entered my life, I have learned to cry. I let the salt of my tears sting my skin and I taste it when it reaches my lips. I sit there, alone once again.  
  
I finally look up to see where I am and I have to start crying again. Of course, I led myself to the cemetery. The cemetery where I watched the stars with Jamie, where I used to hang out with Eric and Dean, where Jamie is buried.  
  
I stood up and walked towards the gravestone I hadn't been to in weeks. I looked around and saw that the grass had now grown over the dirt that had been thrown over her casket. Fresh flowers were lying against the grave and I knew that Hegbert must have been here earlier today.  
  
Jamie's grave is right where she would have wanted it. Where she could see the stars. Where so many times she had come out to watch shooting stars and Pluto before the sun came up. The grave lied right next to the shed.  
  
The shed. I ran to the shed and I swung open the door. I looked inside and found what I was looking for. The metal light shined against my eyes as if it were a calling that I should go forward with what I was about to do.  
  
I went back to Jamie's grave.  
  
"I can't live without you Jamie, so I won't."  
  
With that I raised the knife up to my heart. Waiting for it to puncture my skin. Waiting to be in great pain, but filled with joy. Because if I ended it now, I would be with Jamie and life would be good again.  
  
I stopped in my tracks. Should I go on?  
  
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I hoped you liked it. Please review and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading.  
  
Remember, reviews are good, post some!  
  
Please check out my other stories too! Under the Mistletoe, Have A Little Faith In Me, Take A Chance, The Coffee Shop, Never Loved Never Lost Until now... yeah there are a lot of them! Thanks again. 


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